The Saw Your Head Apart Department

When the oral surgeon who was removing my wisdom teeth took a look at my x-rays, he told me I had an abnormal bony jaw growth (which explains why my molars don’t touch on one side). He said that there are several things that a specialist can do about it, surgery being the last resort, but that I should definitely see a specialist after my wisdom teeth were removed.

I waited.
And waited.
And waaited.

Then I got a week long never-ending headache that wouldn’t go away with migraine medication, a variety of NSAID’s, Tylenol, etc. So, I went to a doctor at Kaiser who said, “Oh, this is your jaw. It’s causing all kinds of problems. Do you have any jaw issues you’re aware of?”

Yes….But did I want to admit that?

“Yeah…” I mumbled. “Um, an oral surgeon I saw recently said I should see a specialist.”

“He was right. I’ll give you a referral.”

I never followed up with the referral….

Then, after trying to talk one day and having my jaw popping out every word like a total zombie, I finally emailed my regular Kaiser doctor for another referral.

“I set you up an appointment with Head and Neck Surgery Department for 10:30,” she emailed me back. But I got the email too late so I didn’t go.

Dodged it again. Yes!

Then my phone rang. It was my doctor. “I noticed you never read my email in time, so I decided to cancel. Here’s the number for you to call and reschedule for a time that works for you.”

I called the number. No answer.

Okay, I should leave a message.

I called the number, left a message.

My phone rang thirty minutes later, but I couldn’t get to it in time. Missed call from the Head and Neck Surgery Department.

Could they not call it something else, because going into a head and neck surgery department sounds totally intimidating to me. I’d like to keep my head in one piece, thank you. I envision men with saws waiting for me as I walk in.

I called back. Answer. Dang.

“Hi, Um, I’d like to reschedule an appointment.”

“Sure thing. When’s the soonest time you can come in?” The receptionist asked me.

“How about never?” I wanted to say. Instead I said, “Tomorrow.” I beat myself up. “Why did you admit you were free tomorrow???”

“Perfect. 3:10 sound okay?”

“Yes.” I sighed.

So now, at 1:55 pm, I must gather my things, grab a bite to eat, and drive to the Head and Neck Surgery Department. I’m bringing a steel helmet and saw with me so I can fight back.

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