“What are you thinking about?” was the moment I made my mistake.
A was soaking in the hot tub. I’d been in there with him earlier, but it got too warm for me, so I went in the house, dried off, tossed my swimsuit in the washer, put on some sweats and a long sleeved shirt, and grabbed a robe from his closet to protect me from the chill when I went outside to check on him.
I figured a safe conversation starter would be to ask what was on his mind.
“Well,” he kind of chuckled. “I was thinking, if I were to be attacked by a giant wild boar right now while I’m in the hot tub, like, we’re talking a boar that is nine feet long and four or five feet tall, about 1000 pounds, I should have weapons with me. But I don’t…” There was a pause.
I think at this point, I was still attempting to maintain my straight face. But he just kept going.
“So, the weapon I was thinking I would want would be a katana sword or a knife. I don’t know if I’d want a gun because the problem with that would be if the wild boar knocked me down I’d have a hard time shooting, but with a knife or sword, I’d have a fair chance at fighting for my life. It would have to be a long one, though, because with an animal that big, it would have to go deep to be lethal. That’s why I am leaning towards katana sword.”
So, here’s what we’re going to do now:
I’m going to walk back inside the house, come back outside, ask the same question, and we’re going to try this again.
Instead I said, “Um…” I choked a little and then started cracking up.
“Why are you laughing??? I’m serious! What if while you were in the house, a wild boar came after me??? I’d be toast! I’d need weapons! That is a perfectly reasonable thing to think about while my girlfriend is inside the house.”
“Hot Tub Wild Boar Weapons? Yes, well…” After my hysterical laughing had ceased, I managed to ask, “So…what made you ponder this?”
“I read this article about a boy in Alabama who was attacked by a wild boar that was that huge and he killed it.”
“Ah.” I was now doing that shoulder moving silent laugh.
“You asked,” he replied casually, winking at me.
I think after he saw the disbelief in my face, it was decided I needed some convincing.
“I’ll prove it to you. Right now. Let’s go.”
He got out of the hot tub, dried off, and took me into his office where he pulled up a YouTube “news” video meant to convince me. It only made me laugh more.
“Wikipedia it!” I demanded. “It’s totally a hoax! I can’t believe this nonsense!” We were both laughing now.
He did, and of course, it came up as a hoax. However, it caused me to realize something:
Never ask a man what he’s thinking about unless you really want to know what’s on his mind.