Went to a lovely lunch with a friend yesterday for Japanese food, and I couldn’t help but be amused/annoyed by the conversations we were bombarded with from those at the tables around us.
Table #1: Awkward first date (or so it appeared)
Man: You know, I’m just a monkey sometimes.
Man: I have never ordered from Amazon.com before, and you know what? I’m okay with myself. I am really okay with that.
Woman: Oh….(pause of contemplation)…Well, I buy probably about 85% of my things from Amazon.
Man: Wow, um, yeah, that’s really great. I think that the Amazon.com company is doing something really truly fantastic for society. They are great. I think I might even order from them sometime.
My evaluation: Man is trying too hard to find common ground with woman. Allow the relationship to start with something OTHER than sharing a common passion for shopping on Amazon. And please, don’t call it Amazon.com. Just call it Amazon. People know what you are talking about. You sound like a noob.
Table #2: Employees on a business lunch
Uncultured Man (VERY LOUDLY and rudely to waitress): Ma’am. Ma’am!
Man (holding up menu): Which of these rolls doesn’t have raw fish? (Then, realizing that the Japanese waitress working in AMERICA might not be fluent in English, he clarifies again) NO raw fish. I no want RAW fish. NO RAW FISH. Which of these has nothing UNcooked?
Waitress (in perfect English): These two.
Man: Nothing raw? At all? I want everything in my food cooked. Are you sure?
Waitress (again): These have no raw fish.
Man (calling across table of about fifteen people to another man, holding menu up for him to see): These have no raw fish, Dave!!
(Time passes, waitress brings plate)
Man: I don’t want to use these chopsticks. Can I get a fork around here?
My evaluation: Coworkers of this man, please never take him out to Japanese food again, or teach him something about their culture of quiet reserve and respect. Maybe sit him down and tell him about the fact that raw fish and chopsticks are kind of guaranteed when you go to a Japanese restaurant, and teach him how to use his inside voice.
Next time we are getting Thai food…